2 months of mothering

I found out I was pregnant at the end of February. We had been trying for nearly a year and a half. I'd had a positive test before that was false so when I got this one, I didn't get emotional like I thought I would nor did I tell my husband in a special way. I think I was just in shock and wanted to be cautious about the whole thing. My pregnancy overall went very well and I loved every minute of it. I loved feeling her move inside of me. Knowing she was growing inside of me was such a surreal feeling. It was truly a miracle. The day I found out we were having a girl, I was so excited. I was meant to have a little girl.

To my dear, sweet Abbie...you were born on October 27th, 2012 at 2:07am...2 weeks early. You were delivered via an unplanned c-section. Your delivery wasn't how I pictured it would be. I felt so intoxicated from all the drugs that the minutes shortly after your birth are a blur. I do remember the doctors pulling you out of me and seeing how tiny you were...6 pounds, 11 ounces to be exact. The first night at the hospital your daddy says I wouldn't take my eyes off of you. I was so scared they'd take you away and I wanted to make sure you were always breathing. They say a mother falls in love with her baby during pregnancy and I am no exception. But the day you were born, I learned a new love I'd never known before. It's a bond that's indescribable. You made my dreams come true Abbie. You made me a mommy. There are days when I still have no idea what I'm doing but I truly feel I was meant to be YOUR mommy. And for that I feel so lucky. You are beautiful, feisty, funny and so cuddable. You are our perfect baby. The first couple weeks after we brought you home seem so long ago. There were nights where you would just cry and cry. I would rock you back and forth and though I may have lost my patience due to sleep deprivation, I cherish those moments with you and look back at them and smile. Your daddy took 5 weeks off of work and I can honestly say that I could not have survived those first weeks without him. He was and still continues to be amazing. He adores you so much and is living up to the vision I had of him as a father. He was so understanding in those early days when I would cry so much...sometimes for no reason at all. He was truly my rock. I think becoming your mommy and daddy has brought us closer together.


You turned 2 months old yesterday. You are cooing so much and you smile so much at your daddy and me. Your favorite spot in this house is your changing table in your room. We joke that everyone that visits you should experience your mood in that spot. It's the best! We took you to your first Gymboree class yesterday. We loved it and signed up! You love nothing more than to eat and you definitely let us know when you're hungry. You make so many noises it makes us laugh so much. We joke that you sound like a little horse. It still startles your dad whenever you have a loud dirty diaper. I love choosing your outfit every day and dressing you . You are loved by so many people. You are one lucky little lady. As much as I try to keep you warm, you don't like your little hands covered up so they're always cold. You also love to stretch. You do it while you nap and immediately after you wake up. It's the cutest thing. The most difficult thing I've gone through since you've been born by far is nursing. The c-section was no problem compared to this. I always knew it would be a possibility that I couldn't breastfeed but when I was actually going through it, it was such a huge crush to my soul. I breastfed you exclusively for a few weeks and endured agonizing pain through it all. But when I wasn't healing after those first few weeks, we started giving you formula part of the time. I was so disappointed in myself and felt like such a huge failure. I missed our bonding time together and I wanted to be the one who provided your nourishment. I think we've finally got a routine down where you still get breast milk and I will continue to endure the pain because it's important to me that you get the best.

Abigail, I hope you feel every day just how much we love you. You brought sunshine into our family when we needed it most. Losing your Tio Henry was so hard. Mita, Bianca and Andrew are hurting so much. They will never be the same. But I am so grateful that you have been able to make them smile. There is no doubt in my mind that your Tio Henry would have adored you. I still can't believe that he's gone and that he never met you. Life is so unfair sometimes sweetie but I know he, your precious cousin Diego and your grandma are watching over you each and every day. That brings me comfort. I look forward to so much with you. I wish I could keep you this small forever.

Motherhood is so hard but it's also so incredibly rewarding. Seeing you thrive every day makes my heart flutter. Thank you Abigail for making your daddy and I so happy. We love you to pieces princess.