4 Months

Dearest Sweet Pea,


You are 4months old today. Wow...4 months. Where does the time go? It feels like just yesterday that I was starting my maternity leave. I felt like 4 months would be plenty of time to spend together. But our 4 months together have flown by and although I'd love more than anything to stay home with you always, mommy has to go back to work tomorrow. Just know that although I won't be with you physically, my hearts stays with you always. I am so comforted by the fact that I am leaving you with someone I love and will love you and care for you like I do. I hope and pray that the transition is harder for me than it will be for you because mommy can and will get through this and in the end, I know it will be good for both of us. I got some great advice from a friend who told me that this will show you that I can be a mommy and a career woman. That I will stop at nothing and make whatever sacrifice I need to make to persevere for my family. And that you will hopefully admire me for that and love me more for it and you will believe that you can do it too someday. It brought tears to my eyes. I hope that you are always proud of me. Please know that mommy is not abandoning you. This is a part of life and you, daddy and I will fall into a new routine and cherish our weekends with you. You have your 4 month pediatrician appointment today where I'm sure I'll cry again since you're getting more vaccinations. I can't wait to find out how much you weigh because you're a little chunker! I love it!

You are growing so much too fast. You are almost too big for your bassinet but I refuse to move you into your crib...not yet at least. I love waking up to you in the same room. I love smelling your sweet head before I go to sleep for the night. You have definitely started teething since you have pools of drool all day and suck on everything you can get your hands on. Poor baby...I hope it's not too painful for you. You are getting better at tummy time but not quite yet able to hold your head up. You are still trying to roll over but haven't done it yet. It makes me sad that I will most likely miss many firsts with you but I hope that you do them with me again over and over. You've really learned to love your Gymboree classes. I'll look forward to taking you on Saturdays with your daddy. You've also become somewhat of a home body since you've had a couple meltdowns outside of home but then you are immediately happy as soon as we get home. This will always be your safe haven but this is how I know that you going to grandmas house every day will be good for you. Not only will you bond with her but you will get used to being away from home.

I love seeing how happy you get when you are with your daddy. You have the sort of bond and closeness with him that only a father can have with his daughter. It's indescribable. You light up whenever he walks into the room and it always melts my heart. You are definitely a daddy's girl. I also love how I catch you just staring at me all the time. I always wonder what you're thinking. You always smile so big when I make up songs to sing to you. We have so much fun together.

I am still giving you breast milk. I don't know how long I can keep it up now that I'm going back to work but I will do it for as long as I can. I always want to give you the best. These past 4 months have been incredible and truly life changing. I am not a perfect mother by any means nor would I consider myself an expert but I do believe I am the perfect mother for you. Your daddy and I are truly so blessed to have you in our lives.

Ok my sweet pea...my little sugar plum, our new adventure begins tomorrow. Happy 4 month birthday my love.