5 months

To my sweet Abigail,


Five months has passed since the day we first saw your precious face. Five months since you decided to make your entrance into the world 2 weeks early. Five months since you made me a mommy. Five months that we have fallen totally and completely madly, deeply in love with you. You make our lives so much sweeter. It’s amazing how one can be capable of so much love. I loved you already when you were in my womb but since the day you and I locked eyes, I was smitten. I would literally give up my life for you, especially if it meant you would be healthy and happy, because that’s what I always want for you.

Well, the dreaded day finally came and went…mommy’s first day back at work on February 28th, one day after your 4 month birthday. I won’t lie…it wasn’t easy. The night before, after daddy and I put you to sleep for the night, I cried. I cried because our time together was over…it was an incredible 4 months Abbie. I cried again after we dropped you off at mom’s house. Mom is what you will call my mommy…just like all your cousins do. I cried the entire drive to work. I missed you so much the minute I left you. But mommy works with some pretty incredible people and they made me feel right at home again. Your pictures were everywhere….on their desks and in my office. So I’m able to look at your beautiful face all day long. It also helped that I knew you were in great hands and with someone that loves you so much. I called about 4 times that first day to check on you and you hadn’t cried once. My prayers were answered. You transitioned into our new routine so easily. In fact, you and mom have become quite the pair. My heart wants to burst when I see how happy you are when we pick you up. I still call you at least twice a day. Mom puts me on speaker to talk to you and she says you want to eat the phone every time and smile so big when you hear my voice. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Knowing you are happy and so loved all day, every day makes my transition back to work so much easier. There are days when I all I do all day is think about what we’d be doing if we were home together but I hope you understand that I need to work. Mommy and daddy are lucky to have jobs and we are lucky that mom can love you every day for us while we’re working. We are blessed.

Because it’s important to me to breast feed you every morning before we leave, I’ve been waking up at 4:30 every day during the week since I returned to work. Your daddy is amazed since he knows how much I love my sleep. But I don’t see it as a sacrifice…I do it because it’s our time together. I know I can’t do it forever and the way you smile and look at me when you’re done is worth all the lost minutes of sleep to me. It’s an experience I’m so grateful I was able to have with you. I don’t take it for granted.

This past month you discovered your feet! Then a couple days later, they found their way into your mouth. It’s the cutest thing ever! You haven’t stopped doing it since. We got your ears pierced on March 9th. It was something I wanted to do early in your life so you wouldn’t remember the pain. You were such a brave baby girl. We both cried together but 5 minutes later, you were all smiles again. Your daddy got it on video and it hurts our hearts every time we see it but you look so darn cute in your earrings! I think you'll thank me for it later. :) I've also started reading to you a lot more...I'd like to think you enjoy it but either way, I hope it helps to develop your imagination. We took you to get your very first Build-a-Bear! Daddy and I recorded our voices in it. My friend at work mentioned it once and I thought it was such a great idea because then you'll have us with you whenever you want and wherever you go. You also have a love-hate relationship with Sophie the giraffe! You like to gnaw on her but get frustrated when you drop her.

 

 We finally made our return back to church. We hadn’t gone since you were born! You’ve been such an angel every time and your daddy and I love the extra smiles and greetings we get from people coming to us to meet you. We even ran into Miss Claudine from Gymboree! Another really big milestone…you started sleeping in your own room. That was another tough moment for mommy. But I felt I was being selfish by keeping you in your bassinet in our room. You had outgrown it and I knew you weren’t able to sprawl out your little arms and legs as much as you wanted to. And once again…you have proven to us how quickly you acclimate to change. You haven’t cried once when we put you down at 8:00 (sometimes 8:30 so I can get some extra snuggles in) and you have continued to sleep through the night until I pick you up at 5:30 the next morning. I can’t believe the tiny baby we brought home 5 short months ago is now sleeping in her own room. Stop growing so fast Abbie. It’s such a blessing but it’s so bittersweet. You are finally getting so much better at tummy time! So much so that you don’t need a bolster at Gymboree anymore :) You haven’t rolled over yet or you haven’t mastered sitting on your own but I know those things will come when you’re ready. We’re not rushing you sweetie.

Sometimes I get really sad, depressed and bitter that I need to work and can’t stay home with you but I need to remember that a lot of people in this world want to work and can’t or lost their jobs. I also need to remember that a lot of people work and need to leave their babies in day cares and don’t have a chance to stay home with grandma. We really are lucky honey and mommy needs to remember those things when she’s struggling. I’m working on that my love.

This Sunday you get to celebrate your first Easter! I can’t wait to get you all dolled up and show you off at church. It’s also mommy’s birthday weekend. I’ve already received my gift the day you were born. I can’t wait to get my birthday drooly kisses from you. We're going on our first mini get-away for a night in Santa Barbara. I'm looking forward to spending with you and daddy. We'll see how you do sleeping outside of our house. Ok sweetness, that's it for now. Happy 5 months Abbie. I love you so much.