A mother's perspective

Dear Abigail,


Motherhood can have you go through a roller coaster of emotions. On my toughest days, I feel the need to take a break and run, just to get away from it all. But I know in my mind and my heart that I am happiest and complete when I am with you and in a perfect world, I'd spend all my days and all my nights with my kids. Being a working mommy is something I'm still learning to navigate through. On one hand, I love that you are learning to be independent and learning that a mother can balance a career and a family. I love that you are learning that mommy works to give you the very best that she can. On the other hand, I carry some deep mommy guilt because I am away from you at work, especially when I work late nights or travel. Perhaps it's my hormones driving me a little crazy but I want you to always need me and on those nights when I race home just to catch you awake for 10 minutes before you go to bed, I want you to scream with joy that I am home. The thing is, on most days, that's exactly what you do. But when you don't, it cuts me so deep because I feel like you don't need me, and you're perfectly happy with me being away from you all day. Sigh. See what I mean by the roller coaster of emotions.
I love it when I hear your little feet pitter patter behind my every step. I love it when you call for mommy because I'm the only one at that very moment that can make you feel better. I would do anything for my kids. I know that motherhood is a privilege and the biggest gift bestowed upon my life. I also know I'm not a perfect mother...far from it actually. I pray to God to give me patience...patience on those days when you don't listen, when you throw tantrums and when all you do is disobey me. But I know you're only 21 months old. You don't know any better. It's my job, along with your daddy, to teach you and raise you to be a good girl. I'm still learning to navigate through that too Abbie. A mother's love is indescribable. I never knew such deep, unconditional love until I held you in my arms. Actually, I never knew such deep love until I felt you kicking when I held you in my womb...the same love I'm feeling now as I feel your little sister.
Something else I need to work on Abbie, is truly learning that your daddy and I are on the same team. He and I created you, so we need to have a strong foundation in order to raise you to be the happiest you can possibly be. Don't get me wrong...he and I are so happy and I couldn't imagine living this life with anyone else by my side but sometimes, those tough days are taken out on him and the last thing I want is for you to see us arguing. We are setting the foundation for you on what a happy marriage is all about.

I only want the best for you and your sister. I am determined to be the best mother I can be for you both. And please...don't ever let go of me. No matter how old you are, always know that your daddy and I are your home. Your toddler years are already proving to be a challenge but I am ready to tackle them together. I love you my sweet Abbie....always and forever.